In Honor of Valentine’s Day


Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. Yet, many people have a hard time with this day of romance.  Let’s explore what the “true course of love” is.

When we are born, the role of our parents, or caregivers, is to support us as children, which includes setting clear boundaries and giving us unconditional love. This energy from the parent flows downward to the child.

The child’s role toward their parents (caregivers) is to respect and appreciate them.  This is an upward flow of energy to the parents.

Let’s explore where this “true course of love ” goes wrong.

In certain occurrences, parents expect their child, or children, to fulfill their own needs. They want the child to show appreciation for all they do for them as parents.  This neediness, perhaps expressed unconsciously, toward the child is filling any holes the parent might have. These holes come from a place of what we may refer to as, “not enoughness,” which gets passed down from past generations and creates a reverse order of the “true course of love.”

The child, which now must direct energy upward toward the parent, gets stuck in a dysfunctional pattern in the passing of energy.  Often, this reverse order gets carried into their current relationships.  In love relationships, they may expect their partner to meet their needs, or in other words, fill their “not enoughness” holes.  These relationships create an expected appreciation from the partner, not on a “being level,” but a “doing level.”

Most of all want to be seen on the deepest level of our soul.  We seek someone who will recognize our true essence that can often be missed by our parents.  We want our loved ones to recognize our “beingness,” or more simply, to just love us with no agenda, seeking nothing in return, and to be recognized for our true selves under our mask of the ego.

We build this “ego mask” to accommodate a pull of energy, which we take from our parents early on in our childhood, in an effort to seek attention, or love from them.  This is one reason why we might stay in a relationship that is not healthy for us.

I challenge us on this Valentine’s Day, to be aware of what the “true course of love” is by sharing your love with others, in a way that recognizes their “beingness”. This new awareness can help stop the dysfunctional patterns that have been passed down throughout family histories. What could be a better gift to give to your loved ones?


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