I have worked very hard on my life up to this point (this made me giggle). I wonder what that really means. Anyway I have many life experiences that have shaped me and allowed me to be on a journey … Continue reading
“The biggest disease today is…..The feeling of being unwanted.” Mother Teresa, 1971 If we are fortunate enough to have real attunement NOW in our lives, then we have a chance to develop new synaptic brain patterns. These new patterns that … Continue reading
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Steven Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In order to be a soul listener, I encourage you to take the following pledge: I chose to listen with my eyes, … Continue reading
Why would anyone need an awakening coach or therapist? Would connecting with one mean something is wrong with you, and you need to be “fixed”?
One idea of why we might need an attuned coach or therapist is based on John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory on child development. John Bowlby (1907-1990), a British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, originally researched the attachment theory. Bowlby published many books in this lifetime and all worth reading. His colleague, Mary Ainsworth, completed extensive observational studies on infant attachments with primary caregivers. In their approach, they realized that an infant needs a secure relationship with a primary caregiver. If this relationship is not secure, it will not fulfill the child’s social and emotional development. This security is the basis needed for the toddler to grow and explore their surroundings. It allows us, as adults, to feel secure, enabling us to go out and explore the world without stress and anxiety, but instead with complete trust that we will be taken care of by life.
When we look at the chart of attachment types that I have posted, we will see ourselves in one, or maybe more than one, of the attachment types. It is rare to find an individual that fits totally into the secure attachment type.
If we fall into the insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent, the insecure disorganized or a mixture of these styles, we were missing that consistently attuned primary caregiver. Having a consistently attuned primary caregiver being available would have installed in us the feeling of having a secure base, or safe haven during our first 3 years of life.
So how do we develop this feeling of having a secure base, or safe haven if it is not in our systems from our childhood? How can we change this for our future children and grandchildren? This change from one type of attachment to another does not happen overnight, it is a process. One of the ways to start is to work on moving to a secure attachment type, which takes having a secure base and a “safe haven person”. This person’s role is to be consistently attuned during sessions and to help develop trust. With an attuned coach or therapist, one can work though their old wounds and issues. The coach or therapist plays the role of the parent (original primary caregiver). Therefore, it needs to be an authority role instead of a love relationship role as peers.
We came into this planet needing to be taken care. We are products of our parents before us and their parents before them. It is like a giant wave and we are a ripple in the current. Why would we think that just because we are now adults that we need to do this alone? We need to develop a relationship with another person that becomes our so-called, “parent” to work though these issues, to heal them. We need to go back and make this connection of having a secure base with an authority figure. Then, when we learn to really trust in life, we become a secure attachment person in our relationships with others. What a gift to give to our children, grandchildren and the planet!
What does it mean to be “in the moment”? We hear that phrase from many contemporary and historical spiritual leaders in their books, speeches and on their social media sites. What exactly are they referring to when they tell you to, “be here now,” and what is the big deal? Aren’t we all living in the moment as we are carrying on throughout our day?
The concept of living in the moment is an important one for every individual; thus, it should be a big deal to you as well. And no, most of us are not living in the moment on a daily basis.
First, realizing that most humans around the planet are continually “thinking,” yet, these thoughts tend to be based on the past or future and have nothing, or little to do with the present moment. We exist on a planet surrounded by people walking around, cut off energetically from the necks up; the music group “Talking Heads” nailed it! We are addicted to our thoughts, or our “thinking” habits, that are stored in our memory banks, re-playing over and over again. However, if we begin to notice that most of our thoughts are about something not currently happening, we can learn to let go of our old memories; therefore, allowing our past recollections to NOT color our perception of the present.
So, I now will join the many others who teach and preach “Being in the Now.” What I mean is simply, living our lives in the moment instead of from our past perceptions. We start by bringing our attention to the moment, down from our heads into our bodies. It is not some trick exercise you need to study for years, and you do not need to have special healing powers. However, because the process is new to us, it may feel that way in the beginning. Although, a blog post is not an ideal format for walking you through this technique, I will lay out steps, which if practiced, can lead you to a new state of mind.
First, bring your attention to your breathing. Just as in your daily yoga routine, inhale and exhale.
Without breaking your concentration, bring your attention down into your bodies, and if thoughts show up (and they will) notice them, but don’t identify with them. They are just thoughts, and you don’t need to engage with them.
Focus on your breathing, and simultaneously focus your attention into your body.
Congratulations, you are BEing in the moment.
This technique can change our “thinking” habits. But, it takes a strong willingness to practice, and take 100% responsibility for ALL interactions. Energy follows intention.